Arguments and Sunshine

If you and your spouse think that your marriage might be in trouble, then you need to watch this new show called “Marriage Ref.”  They took two couples and recorded some of the most ridiculous arguments.  Being male, I do have some level of feeling for the men in these altercations.  What man out there has never argued with his wife about wanting to do something stupid and rather ludicrous?  That being said, these guys took things over the limit as to what they were arguing about.  I have to say, before I describe any of this, come on guys, dealing with women is hard enough as it is.  Don’t go on TV arguing with your wife about these things.  Isn’t dealing with women hard enough?  We’re already considered idiots by the fairer sex.  Why would you reinforce that stereotype?

The first one, dude wanted to keep a stuffed bulldog.  No, not one of those fluffy little toys you but for children, but a real one that took a visit to the taxidermist after it died.  I understand that you watch scrubs.  I understand that you think Turk’s dog is a riot and the arguments with the woman(sorry, I’m not remembering the character’s name) are a riot.  While I laughed my ass off throughout, I have to wonder if dude stopped to listen to himself before he agreed to do this show.  It’s funny on TV, but to do in real life is rather… shall we say… foul.  Makes me wonder if he’ll stuff his wife when she dies thinking that funeral expenses would be a lot less.

The next one wasn’t much better.  He was trying to argue his wife into installing a stripper pole in their bedroom.  I’ll pause for a moment while you take your hand, place it in the middle of your forehead, and proceed to shake it.  Go on, you know you want to, I’ll wait…

Are you finished?  Good.  To this man I must say, are you dense?  What woman in her right mind would consider allowing that to happen?  Quit reading Penthouse Forum.  We’re talking about real life here.  Those stories in that magazine are as fictitious as Stephen King’s novels.  Women don’t dance around a pole unless they’re paid well to do so.  An unwilling participant just ain’t sexy.  Consider yourself lucky that she gets naked with you.  You’re trying to spice up your marriage?  Go to the closest adult book store, walk past the Penthouse Forum—that one is giving you horrible ideas—and buy one of those sexy games.  Those are fun and will spice things up without going overboard.  Yes, the stripper pole is overboard numb nuts.

The sun is out today.  It’s about damn time.  A person can get tired of gray, overcast skies every day.  Some sunshine does a parkie good.  It gives a little vitamin D.  I’ve been rather enjoying my trips outside to smoke today.  The only problem is that snow is white.  If it were blue, then there would be no problems.  Alas, its whiteness only reflects the sun making it hard to look at.

And speaking of snow, I have to throw my sarcasm around again.  Will everyone out there please realize that you are not meteorologists?  You have training in the field, yet you want to practice what you don’t know, have no hope of knowing.  Every week I am bombarded with people who are saying, “there’s another storm coming in.  Two systems are supposed to collide.  We’re supposed to get another eleven to eighteen inches.”  What?  The last time that was “supposed to happen” was last night.  We didn’t get one snowflake, let alone another eleven to eighteen inches.

I’m aware that a powerful snow storm blew through here.  I’m aware that it dumped two feet of snow in an area that only gets a couple of inches at a time and isn’t used to this.  But the reputable source called the weather channel (come on… you know that one… they employ trained meteorologists… broadcast the weather predictions on the television) said that a “winter powerhouse” only really blows through every fifteen years or so.  This means that we’re not due for another dumping like that until 2025.  So will everyone PLEASE STOP PANICING!

On a sadder note, we at Trinity Episcopal Church were struck with a great loss yesterday afternoon.  A friend, choir member, and all-around good guy passed away.  Since this is over the internet, and I do not have permissions from his wife, I cannot in good conscience put his name for any old person to see.  Those who are members of the church and reading this, you know who I’m talking about.  May God grant him rest as he brings him into the company of heaven.